


Prime Delivery

by Phylix



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Anal Sex, Genji Shimada is a Little Shit, Knotting Dildos, M/M, Masturbation, Pining, Sex Toys, Stupid Ideas, dildo, mistaken packages
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:02:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24755983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phylix/pseuds/Phylix
Summary: Hanzo was given only two rules: He had to buy something, but it could not be something he would use for work or something he purchased for another person. He knew instantly what he wanted—a way to relieve himself at the end of the day. Like Genji, sticking his nose where it doesn't belong, or McCree lurking in his own secretive ways.  This would have made it all worth it.Except...The package he received was the exact opposite of the self-care he wanted.It was too...blunt. Too...angry.Too red.
Relationships: Jesse McCree/Hanzo Shimada
Comments: 22
Kudos: 146





	Prime Delivery

Hanzo was thrumming with excitement. It was a foolish excitement, one he hadn't felt in years, but he had made a frivolous purchase for the first time in his adult life. It started with Genji, urging him to cut his hair to "expel the demons of the past," followed by Hana insisting on a change to his casual clothes. 

It was like the first warm breeze of spring. Warm. Welcoming. It held the sweetness of new life and the promise of better days.

The clothes lacked a refinedness and bordered on the edge of tacky, and his haircut was severe, with the back of his neck shaved down to the scalp. It didn't matter, though. For the first time in his life, when Hanzo looked in the mirror, he saw himself reflected back.

And he liked it.

Gone was the anarchist puppet of the Shimada clan. He was nothing more than Hanzo Shimada, a broken man in gluing the pieces of his life back together. He was a work in progress, and that was okay.

Still, Hanzo found himself treading in the familiar deep waters of tradition. Years of living for other people could not be broken apart even in the six months he had resided with Overwatch. 

He was doing his best.

Lucio had been assigned as his case manager for mental health. Hanzo doubted he had any formal training, and with the man being a decade younger than himself, he had not expected results. To his surprise, the man was decent in his mental health assessments. 

The young medic had been put in charge of his day-to-day mental health, teaching Hanzo about self-care and helping him develop positive routines that didn't involve him getting shitfaced with McCree in the dead of night. The young medic encouraged Hanzo to make a purchase with his next influx of money with the positive mantra of "Treat 'yo self." 

He gave Hanzo only two rules: it could not be something he would use for work or something he purchased for another person. Other than that, it could be anything he wanted. It had to be for his amusement alone.

Self-care.

If the poor boy only knew…

Lucio probably meant something frivolous, like a book Hanzo always wanted to read, or a bobble on a shelf. He probably expected Hanzo to get a set of lavender bath bombs, or something else used to relax. The implication was to give Hanzo's living quarters a feeling of 'home' instead of the slate grey walls and rod iron bed that was standard in every room.

Indeed, every other person on this base had made their living quarters their own. The omnic monk covered the windows and made his room look like the meditation rooms in the Shambali temples. Hana had painted her rooms electric pink and had her logo plastered against the wall.

Hanzo's room still held the appearance of a traveler. His things had been folded and put away into the standard dresser, and the walls were still bare. The only change he made was to the regulation bedding that had been assigned to him. He had purchased a set of luxury Egyptian cotton bedsheets that had cost an entire paycheck. 

They were a necessity.

And yes, repainting his room and buying new furniture was high on his list of needs, but he was content with his simple living for the time being.

There was something else. A gnawing, clawing need that pulled at something deeper inside Hanzo. Something more raw and primal that called out to him. With Lucio's decree of "treating himself," the online purchase didn't feel as impractical. His therapist had ordered him to do it, and Hanzo found himself very keen on following orders.

That had been a week ago. Now, Hanzo sat on his bed with his phone in hand as he refreshed the tracking page. Why was it that the postal service did not have trackers on the trucks? It would be much more practical to know precisely how many streets away the parcel was at that very moment. 

His whole body felt alive with anticipation, ready to jump at a moment's notice of when it would be delivered. Mei would be there to greet the truck, happily taking all of their mail and dividing it out. She would spend the afternoon walking through the dormitories and hand-deliver everything out with joy. It was her little way of making the barracks of Overwatch feel more like a community. 

Hanzo couldn't wait that long. He wanted the package in his hands. 

He needed it now.

He refreshed the page again.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, the notification page changed. A little truck appeared at the end of the blue line, with a smiling package on it that said: "Delivered." He could have whooped for joy as he leaped off the end of his bed and dashed out the door.

________

"Good morning," Mei smiled brightly as Hanzo did his best to walk into the front office. He still had to play it casual and cool. Too much excitement would lead people to ask questions he was not willing to answer. His body was high strung like a windup toy ready to go off. 

He greeted her back, doing his best to keep his voice even as his eye scanned the desk. His heart deflated as he looked at the massive mound of white envelops and brown packages stacked tall.

Mei was cheerily humming as she handed Snowball another set of letters, that the little robot took to another separate pile of letters.

Hanzo blanched. 

"You can really tell that we got paid this last week, can't you?" Mei said with a giggle as she noticed his face. "Most days, I only get about a quarter of this. Usually, it is billing notices, or fan letters to Hana and Lucio. Sometimes there are science magazines or medical journals."

She handed another stack of white envelopes to Snowball as she spoke. Hanzo was only half listening though, searching for the simple brown box he was promised. There was to be discrete packaging, with a label that looked as if he ordered just from any random online shop and not...well... 

"It is going to take a little bit longer to get everything sorted out, but I promise to get it all out to you soon. The biggest problem I have is distractions-"

No stickers. No branding, just the registered corporate name.

"Mr. Shimada-" 

Hanzo's attention snapped right back to her.

"I am going to tell you the same thing I told everyone else," Mei said with a loud huff as she placed her fists on her hips. "It is a lot easier to do this when everyone isn't down here snatching at the mail. When you and Genji and Jack and Jesse are all here grabbing at things, it makes the system I have much slower. Please-"

There, just over her shoulder, he saw it. Stamped on the side of the box was the geometric logo of the company.

Hanzo snatched it.

He didn't look back, not when he heard the avalanche of paper, especially when Mei began to curse at him loudly in Chinese. He would apologize later. 

Right now, he had things to do.

________

Two months. 

From conception to casting and shipping, that was how long he waited. The reviews for their other toys had been above average. He had started with just casually browsing their online shop, impressed with their wide variety of ...inhuman stock. 

If Hanzo wished to be fucked by a normal, human-shaped cock, those were easy enough to find. This was a fantasy—something beyond what he could see in the natural world.

His eyes had fallen upon this piece by pure chance. He had just started randomly clicking into pages, and there it was: Long and sleek. Absolutely remarkable in every way. His body tingled the moment he saw the beautiful scales.

Then he saw the custom colors.

Hanzo's hands trembled as he ran his hands over the cardboard. He dared not open it yet, wanting to savor this moment. There was weight inside that box. A weight that aroused him. 

Somehow, he both expected it to be heavier and lighter. Never before had he made such a purchase. He had never dreamed that he would own something quite like this. It was a gift.

He withdrew his keys and scoured the edge of the tape slowly. This was his moment. He wanted to savor it. 

Art.

Literal art. Art that he could never show to anyone. Art that would live inside the bottom drawer of his dresser. Art that made him feel alive and aroused and….

Desire shot through him as he set his things aside. This was his moment, but he would have to reserve himself. He could not just strip naked and take his pleasure in this. Not just yet. He needed to clean it and prepare himself.

That was fine, though. Hanzo had the day. No one would miss him if he did not appear at lunch. Or dinner. No one would think twice about the missing Shimada.

Oh, the hours he could spend with this. Worshiping it. Learning it. Craving it.

A quick intake of breath, he opened the lid.

Something thick and bulbous lay inside. Something angry and hot and...

Red.

"What the fuck?"

________

"Good morning, Mei," Jack tucked the newspaper he was reading under his arm and waved to the young climatologist as he approached the desk. "I-"

"No!" Mei turned, shoving a finger into his chest as she clenched her jaw tight. 

Immediately, Jack raised his hands up. His eyes widened, not at all expecting that reaction. Behind her, the stacks of envelopes shifted, before cascading down onto the ground. Her eye twitched.

For a long moment, they stood in silence. Mei's finger dug into the meat of Jack's ribs. 

"I, uh," Jack swallowed. "I was notified that my package arrived."

"Everyone's packages arrived," She hissed. "Everyone is super keen on coming down here and grabbing their packages, but no one wants to help sort! No one cares if that package was a load-bearing package!"

Jack took a cautious step back. He had stepped on a landmine, that much was certain. Someone else had detonated it, but he was the one to get ripped apart. 

It did not matter that he could see his parcel sitting right on top. It didn't matter that he could just reach over Mei's head and take it. Jack was quite sure that if he tried, she would have bitten him.

Diplomacy. That was what lacked in this situation right now.

"I see you have a massive influx on post," He said calmly, trying to tap into that Commander Morrison voice he used when speaking to warring nations. "How can I help?"

"That," Instantly, her demeanor changed. She smiled brightly as her shoulders relaxed. "That would be so nice. Could I have you take things to the medical bay?"

Jack's eye darted to the package on top. His package.

And that smile fell. "If you do it, I will give you the box now."

Jack nodded, feeling very much like a child being scolded by his mother. It did not matter that he was twice her age, or nearly double her height, the woman could freeze him into a popsicle in an instant. 

And the way Mei glared at him over the tops of her glasses when she loaded him up with mail that belonged to the medics team...

The final piece was his own package, neatly perched on top like a trophy.

"Oh..." Jack blinked.

"Oh?" Mei turned.

He handed it back. "My mistake, this one is addressed to Reinhardt. We must have made purchases from the same shop." He laughed as he handed it back.

Mei did not laugh as she took it. "That's why you shouldn't get grabby with things."

________

"Dear sirs or ma'am," Hanzo dictated, his fingers flying over the keyboard of his computer as the thing he DID NOT ORDER sat next to him on the desk. "I am writing today to inform you--No!" Hanzo slammed the backspace hard enough to hear the plastic crack.

Writing a complaint letter while angry and horny was harder than Hanzo expected, no pun intended. Hanzo had never been good at peacefully lodging a complaint. To be fair, he always told other people what to do, and they got it done for him. Dealing with customer support was not a talent he possessed.

His eyes fell onto the red silicone...thing...that on his table. He frowned again before he took another deep breath and tried again. "To whom it may concern,"

Better.

"Recently, I ordered a custom piece from your store. My order number is 7529546745. I received prompt shipping notifications, and the package arrived today."

Hanzo groaned and deleted everything up to the order number. Simple and to the point. They did not care that he received shipping notifications. His hands fisted in his dark hair as he tried to figure out the best way to politely say, "You fucked up and sent me the wrong fucking dildo."

Sure, that was direct and to the point, but he also wanted them to ship his actual dildo.

Everything about it was wrong, from the color all the way to the shape. It only took one look to know this was not the dildo he had ordered. What he received was something thicker and blunter than he had ever envisioned. 

The tapered tip was an angry, brutal red. And thicker than his wrist. The cock was about as long as a beer bottle. It flared out at the end with a well-defined bump, colored a lighter shade of red, highlighting that space. 

A knot.

It was designed to fit inside his body and stay lodged in there, stretching out his asshole wider than Hanzo had ever dared to attempt. Hanzo had always been a fan of a length over girth. He liked the fullness of a long cock inside of him more than the burning stretch around his asshole.

It was enticing, but werewolf cock was not the monster Hanzo was interested in fucking.

It didn't even have a cum tube. 

Overall, it was a disappointment.

Hanzo wanted something more elegant. Long and sleek, able to fill his hole up and then some. Hanzo was instantly drawn to the glimmering blue sheen of the dragon. The scaled and ridges along the base, coupled with the sleek head and long shaft, it was precisely what Hanzo had always wanted. 

And precisely what he did not have.

Hanzo sighed as he put the finishing touches on his email and sent it off. Direct and to the point. "I ordered an extra long dragon in shimmering metallic blue with a cum tube. I received something else. Pictures are attached. Please comply."

Well, at least it wasn't a complete disappointment. Hanzo's eye fell on the fat, circular-shaped horse that also shipped with the dog cock. It looked back at him, with dopey eyes, each one pointed a different way, and a long pink tongue hanging out of the side of its mouth. The tag named the horse after one of the shop's most popular products, the long horse cock.

Hanzo rather enjoyed Thunder. He fell in love instantly, deciding that it reminded him more of McCree than anything else. It now sat on his bookshelf.

He would not tell the company about this part; if he said nothing, he would not be required to ship it back.

Not that Hanzo would ship it back anyway. This was not his fault, he reasoned. This was some shipping department's fault. Why would he have to return something that they would obviously just throw away?

Hanzo bit his lower lip and lifted the dildo off the desk. The weight and firmness felt pleasant in his hand. It had a thick core running through it, but still, the silicone felt pliable in his hands. 

This was not the cock he wanted, but...

Hanzo looked at the computer screen. "I mean, it will take them some time to reply," He reasoned to Thunder the Fat Horse as he stood, carrying his new companion into his adjoining bathroom. 

Today was his day off, he could at least try it out, maybe it would surprise him.

_________

"And that is why I will not be using your POS company ever again," Jesse huffed as he dramatically hit send on the email before sitting back in his desk chair.

One day off. Just one, in over a month. One day where he was not required to get up early. He wasn't needed to train anyone in on systems, or move around boxes filled with decades-old gear, or pretend to listen to Jack give orders. 

Just. One. Day.

And all of it ruined because that damn dildo company botched his order.

Behind him, Genji snickered as he shoved another piece of candy into his mouth. Jesse was not sure if his presence made this whole ordeal better or worse. The ninja had followed him back from the front office, almost bouncing with glee as he eyes the parcels in Jesse's hands. 

Food that lived in the pantry tended to become community property, even when adequately labeled. Jesse gained the reputation back in Blackwatch to hoard the best stash on base. It didn't surprise him at all to see Genji standing there, flirting casually with Mei. It surprised him less when the ninja became his shadow back to his room.

Jesse planned on throwing a bag of chocolate-covered peanuts at the man, telling him and his damn Shimada sweet-tooth to fuck right off. In typical Genji fashion, the moment it looked like Jesse was acting dodgy, he had to know everything.

So Jesse sat on the bed, pulled out his tiny knife, and opened the package he was really interested in receiving. If Genji wished to be nosy and know what Jesse had decided to do on his days off, let him have the image of Jesse's hairy ass burned into his mind. Hell, they had both seen far more depraved things.

Both of them were equally shocked by what lay inside the simple brown box.

Genji had fallen off the bed, clutching to his sides as Jesse's vision went red. 

Jesse was a simple man with the simple need every once in a while to feel his asshole stretched out to the max with something resembling a monster dick. There were plenty in the wooden box under his bed if he was just looking for any old monster cock. It was the fact this was a new release. It had more girth than the others. 

He wasn't looking to just get off. He wanted to feel the sweat tingle down his back as he slowly worked it in, millimeter by millimeter, feeling his body anxiously tense and relax as he worked it into himself. He wasn't chasing an orgasm. He wanted to lay in bed for an hour or two with it inside him as he played video games. He wanted to LIVE with a cock inside him for just a short while. He wanted to feel that control over himself and know that he could do it.

He also wanted the complimentary horse plush that came with his specific purchase. Jesse was a simple man, and fat, stupid-looking horses named after horse cocked sex toys were one of those simple pleasures.

It was a matter of principle. The cost alone should have guaranteed that Jesse received some part of his specific, custom order.

What he received was something as long as his forearm, and not quite as thick. It was still impressive, for sure, and the fact that it shot fake cum into his belly was definitely a turn on, but it was akin to getting Roseart crayons when everyone else got Crayola. 

Sure it got the job done, but at what cost?

It wasn't even red.

The whole time Genji snickered behind him, eating his candy and waggling the cock in the air while making rude remarks. The size was impressive, way longer than anything else he owned, but the fact it was scaled and looked almost like a dragon made Genji's presence even more unnerving. Then, the dildo caught the light. The sun sparkled over the silicone and made the metallic sheen a familiar electric blue color.

"You know what this reminds me of?" There was vicious mirth in the ninja's eyes as his smile widened. 

"Don't," Jesse warned, his jaw clenched.

Genji didn't break eye contact as he moved off the bed. He schooled his features into something more somber and stoic, though his eyes still held that evil glint. His movements were slow, purposeful as he lifted his arms up into a familiar battle stance.

"Don't-" Jesse repeated.

"Ryu ga waga teki o kurau!" If Genji were ever called on to impersonate his brother, Jesse had to admit, it was a very convincing mockery of the older Shimada. 

The farce didn't need the howling screech, followed by Genji holding the long, blue dildo in front of him and jiggling it through the air as if it were one of Hanzo's twin dragons.

He really didn't need Genji poking him in the cheek with the tip. 

Jesse pushed the cock away with a snarl. "At least one of us finds this amusing," he scoffed.

"Dude," Genji snickered and continued to prod Jesse with the cock, poking him in the ribs and shoulder. "Just admit I caught you buying a dildo that reminds you of my brother." 

Jesse tilted his head back and let out a loud groan of absolute horror and ran his hands over his face. "I did no such thing!"

"You know, I think the last time I saw my brother naked was when we were still taking baths together, but I can almost guarantee that he looks nothing like this naked." 

Genji was a horror. He did nothing but continuously rub salt into the open wound of his embarrassment, and now the only picture in McCree's mind was two stacked Japanese men in a hot spring. It was the kind of fantasy that only existed in a porno, and Genji knew it. 

Jesse glared.

"Or maybe it isn't my brother you want," He gasped and clutched the cock to his chest. "Oh my god, you want his dragons to double team you. Like, a real double dragon scenario. You are nasty."

"Get out." 

Genji cackled and threw the sex toy back onto the bed. "I know what kind of freak you are in the sheets, McCree. Don't you for once think that I will ever forget Tripoli." 

"Stop-"

"Because seriously-" Genji held his hands up as he made his way to the door, McCree's candy tucked into the pocket of his hoodie. 

Jesse rose from his chair. "Now."

"Look, I'll let you get to it," The door flew open as Genji neared. He backed out into the hall with his hands still raised, and that smug smirk always on his face. "Just remember to use a lot of lube beforehand. And drink plenty of water to keep your electrolytes-"

Jesse slammed the door shut before Genji could finish his sentence, his face glowing with heat. He pressed his back against the cold metal door and sighed.

So much for his day off. His eye fell back on the cock, hanging off the side of his bed. The order may have been wrong, but at least it was something….interesting. His hand reached down, touching his belly. For an instant, he wondered how in the hell anyone was supposed to get all of that inside them. Sure, he had been fisted before, but guys tended to stop at the wrist. He was a man that liked thickness over length, and here, sitting before him was length without girth.

Did it squish?

He moved forward, lifting it up and feeling the substantial weight of it in his hands. Absolutely firm. Somehow, he expected it to twist and bend, but it didn't. The blush deepened, moving further down his neck. Would his body...adapt? Or would he have to call Angie with a very VERY embarrassing tear in his most private areas?

Maybe today wouldn't be a total loss.

________

**Author's Note:**

> I am trying my best to get back into writing. I still love it, but the stress of the past months has made it difficult to focus on anything but the struggles in the world. Please feel free to comment, leave kudos, or find me on Social Media. (@Phylix_writes on twitter) I just want to write something porny, horny, and silly for people. Mixing up dildos is hilarious. 
> 
> Also, take note that the Ace person went to Bad Dragon for research. There really is a fat horse plush on the site and...I kind of love him. 
> 
> Dude, I am also open to horny, stupid ideas. There is no guarantee they will show up here, but hell, making Hanzo Shimada uncomfortable as hell is my jam.


End file.
